Crazy Drunken Cruise Ship Stories You Won’t Believe!
One of the most common cruise ship questions asked among fellow cruise ship members are “Are you going to crew bar tonight?”.It’s a place where drinking every night is considered normal, and yet if you were caught doing this on land you would be immediately sent to a AA meeting. (and possibly a psychiatric ward!)
There’s no place in the world where you can get butt drunk for $10 and party like it’s 1999! Crew ship workers work long days, and long days turn into long months where you can easily lose all sense of reality, and all you know is it’s either a sea day or a port day.
When you combine long working hours, a lack of sleep, not a lot of natural light, and cruise ship drama, that’s topped up with cheap alcoholic beverages…..well let’s just say it’s a recipe for some crazy cruise ship stories.
To work on a cruise ship you have to be mentally strong and have a strong liver!
I must warn you some of these stories may seem a bit on the crazy and plain stupid side that is enough to make the health and safety department want to jump overboard. But in my own experience, it’s just another day in the life of being a cruise ship sailor!
Where alcohol flows, trouble grows! And what happens on cruise ships, well… doesn’t always stay on cruise-ships.
Now it’s time to put on your life jacket and buckle up!… Cause you’re in for a crazy ride as 10 people reveal their crazy drunken cruise ship stories you won’t believe! (unless you’ve worked on a cruise ship) 😉
Disclaimer: Due to privacy reasons all stories shared will remain anonymous.
#1. The Piss Head
I was working on one of the biggest cruise ships in the world in the sports department and I shared a cabin where I slept on the bottom bunk. Once woke up to a big wet patch by my bed. I asked my cabin mate what it was and he said: ” I just had a shower“. Then one night I abruptly woke up in the middle of the night to him with his dick out pissing all over the floor like a crazy person. He was yelling “Are you awake!?” I was not only awake but I was pissed off. The cabin smelled of piss. In the end, I had to call my manager as this piss head had to go.
#2. The Cowgirls Walk Of Shame
I worked on cruise ships in the entertainment department, and it was country and western night. This is where we had to dress up as cowboys/cowgirls and put on a big showdown for our passengers! After that, I had to host a crew Bingo night where the drinks were flowing! After that, I ended up in my friend’s cabin (yes he was a boy, but nothing happened.) I was so drunk I fell asleep. The next morning I had to sneak out in my cowgirl outfit and go back to my cabin to quickly get ready for work.
On my way to my cabin, the watertight doors were shut, which meant I had to go the long way through passenger areas to get to my cabin. I got some unwanted attention and a few laughs to say the least. Eventually, I got to my cabin, then I realized I didn’t have my cabin key and I was locked out! Then I had to go on another mission to the security office for them to let me into my cabin. The shame was real on that day, and the various rumors that went around lasted for a whole cruise. Not cool.:(
#3. The Crammed Cabin Party
After a night at the crew bar, my cabin mate and I invited some crew back to my cabin for after drinks. We didn’t have much alcohol left, but I had some connections in the Filipino mafia and I got hooked up with a few top-shelf bottles.
What I thought were a few people coming over quickly turned into over 20 people. Our cabin was really small, but somehow we managed to fit everyone in. I can remember about 4 people crammed onto each bunk bed, there were 3 crew smoking in the toilet, the floor was filled and two of the show dancers were dancing on the furniture like they were at a strip club in Vegas! Alcohol was spilled everywhere, people were hooking up, the music was loud and shit was getting cray cray! Eventually it got broken up by security as a neighbor reported us, but still, it was a party to remember!
#4. Beer Goggles
I was a Steiner girl (spa girl) from the UK and I was on my first contract. At the time I was considered what they call “fresh meat”. I was surprised at how many men compared to woman worked on the cruise ship, so it seemed like the females had the pick of the litter. However, I found that my perceptions of men changed working on a cruise ship, as what I thought was hot on cruise ships, were someone I would never date on land.
My first hook up was with an Italian Officer. He was a lot older than me, but he looked good in uniform and he had his own cabin. After a night at the crew bar, I went back to his cabin. To be honest, I couldn’t really understand him, but he was interesting. We started getting close and he took off everything but his speedo looking underwear! All I remember from then was his big hairy beer belly flopping out, and his hairy AF chicken legs. I told him that this was a mistake, and I quickly left.
The next day a rumor went around that I had slept with him, and I spent the next 2 months dodging him at all costs. Eww.
#5. The Bahama Cocaine
Part 1:
I was working as a shop manager on cruise ships. It was a sweet gig and my itinerary was amazing! We had an overnight in Bermuda and the night club was wild. Half the crew was there partying until the wee hours of the morning. My mates and I went outside for a smoke and a local came up to us wanting to sell us cocaine. We were pretty drunk at the time, but we thought we only live once, so we brought the cocaine off the local for $100 bucks. After that, we went to the toilet and found out he had given us a bunch of wrapped up toilet paper. (jokes on us)
Part 2:
After laughing about being duped by a local, we went outside again for another smoke and another local pulled up in his car offering the same thing. We quickly said, “Nah mate move along“. But then he showed us what he had and he invited us into his car to try a sample. Next minute he’s taking us on a car ride around Bermuda in the middle of the night while we’re in the back seat snorting cocaine! (which was real) It was a wild ride, and we got back to the club safely. Looking back on it now it was pretty crazy, and I’m surprised no one saw us chewing our face-off while dancing like Micheal Jackson on speed.
#6 The Sex Competition
I was sharing a cabin at the time with someone who had a boyfriend and he was always over at the cabin which made things a little awkward. I had just started seeing someone on board, but he was also sharing a cabin. One night after crew bar he couldn’t go back to his cabin as it was his roommates turn to have the cabin to himself.
So I invited him over to sleep at mine. We quietly entered the cabin trying not to laugh and knock things over as we were pretty tipsy. My roommate and her boyfriend were fast asleep, so we decided to have a sneaky shower together. We started having sex in the shower and things were heating up. Admittedly we were loud as we were knocking the shampoo bottles over. (we couldn’t help it, the shower was tiny!)
Next minute we started hearing noises outside the bathroom door that weren’t coming from us. We stopped having sex and slightly opened the door to my roommate in the spread eagle position while her boyfriend was in full swing.
This is something I’d never want to admit happened, but hey, if you can’t beat em, join em.
#7. The Captain Is Key!
On a cruise ship, there is a big status game where the stripes seem like they have all the power and privileges. However not all stripes are squeaky clean, and without their uniform, they are just human wanting to have fun just like everyone else…
I had for some reason gotten close to the ships Captain, where I now suspect on reflexion that he was trying to seduce me into being his ship mistress.
On one occasion we were drinking together at his Captains party he hosted each month for the officers. Beautiful food and unlimited drinks were on tap. However, I didn’t realize the whiskey was so strong. Eventually, we were one of the last ones standing in his cabin, and we decided to go to the back deck where the party had continued. At the party, I could see some high ranking officers were not liking me canoodling with the Captain. Shortly after the Captain went to bed, while I stayed on the back deck. (when I shouldn’t have as I was clearly over my limit). Then the Captain magically reappeared and came back for me to walk me home to my cabin. ( A gentlemen you could say).
Then all I remember is being at my cabin door and I couldn’t find my key to get in. Luckily he had a master key that let me in! The Captain then dropped me off on my top bunk bed!!! Oh, the embarrassment!!! I woke up feeling so ashamed that I let myself get so drunk, and my roommate couldn’t believe she got woken up by the Captain of all people.
That morning a close friend from security gave me a heads up that some officers wanted me to get breathalyzed (aka fired!)… but because of the Captain’s involvement, they couldn’t do anything.
It’s safe to say I was on my best behavior after that.:)
#8. The Elevator Ride With A Passenger
Passengers are always strictly forbidden to get cozy with, and anything shady will get you fired! But sometimes, forbidden fruit is far more exciting than the expiring fruit you find in the crew areas. 😉
I was working on the gangway one morning to help welcome passengers onto the ship. I normally hated doing this job, as you had to act like you gave two shits and smile all the time when all I really wanted to do is sleep. However, the perks were seeing the fresh talent as they walked up to the gangway. A group of Australian girls that were banging hot, were celebrating a hens doo. One chick stood out, and we hit it off straight away.
That night I was on a duty called “mix and mingle”. We called this M&M and we had to basically socialize with the passengers. I ended up tracking these girls down and got wasted with them at one of the passenger bars. Security didn’t even blink an eye, as this was part of my job and back in the heyday of cruise ships, it was considered normal.
I ended up drinking with this girl in a passenger area way later than I thought. Security ended up giving me a warning as we became very obvious. So I meet her in the passenger elevator where there were no cameras. We went up and down that elevator and didn’t come out for a while. Security was onto me though, as I would see them lurking around with their walkie talkies every time the elevator stopped. Eventually, we had to get out as other passengers were filling up the elevator, but it was an elevator ride I’ll always remember.
#9. A Day Out In Greece Gone Wrong!
I was working on a small ship that I was very happy working on. The ship was about to dock at a town in Greece near Crete. (I still can’t remember what place it was called). I had arranged with a friend (who had a very significant position onboard the ship) to go out together as it was both our first times in this beautiful destination.
The day started out great, and we tried a local beer followed by souvenir shopping. My friend had left me and said he will come back with a surprise. Hours later he eventually found me at a coffee shop. He had pulled up with a scooter and decided to surprise me with a ride. Long story short, I had to be back on the ship to start work, so we both decided to take the scooter back where it was hired from so we could get back to work.
During the ride, I had noticed his driving was a bit off and before I could say anything we were both in mid-air which didn’t turn out well. (let’s just say luckily he gave me the helmet).
Fast forward to the Greek hospital where we both lay in a bed, my friend felt he had no option but to go back to the ship because of his “position”. I myself was not allowed to go, for the fact that I couldn’t move which consequently left me in hospital for the next 3 days. After I got the clearance to leave, the ordeal was followed by a dramatic trip around Greece to catch the next cruise as I was illegally staying in Greece and for the most part, I was confined in a hotel room.
Later I found out that in the missing hours of that day he had been drinking and sadly later got fired.
Moral of the story: Stay alive and don’t drink and drive.
#10. The Hang Over Cover Up
Once I got so drunk at a cabin party, I woke up the next morning in my cabin so dehydrated but I forgot to buy water the night before. (bottled water is like gold if you haven’t got any). I saw my roommate’s WATER BOTTLE on the desk, and I was like ” fuck it, I’ll buy him some later”. So while he was asleep I sculled the water back and immediately after threw it up all over our carpet! It was fucken Vodka!!!
My breath smelt like alcohol so bad, and I was hanging off my nut! So I called the medical center and reported myself with a case of the shits. I was confined to my cabin for 2 days after that, just so I could cover my ass and avoid being breathalyzed while on duty. Looking back on it it was pretty funny but really stupid. I’m really lucky I didn’t get caught.
There we have it, those were some crazy drunken cruise-ships stories! Please share on social media with your friends (maybe not the cruise-ship officers still working on them aye.) 😉
If you are a cruise-ship worker or passenger with a story to tell, please visit the work with us page or drop me a line personally in the social media links in the bio below.
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Emmy is the founder and content writer at woopdedo. With a background in the performing arts, she then had a career working on cruise ships, until she decided to return to NZ where she spends most of her time storytelling and freelance writing. You can contact her on the social media links below or visit the work with us page.
