“Sometimes letting things go is an act of far greater power than defending or hanging on”. – Eckhart Tolle
Letting go of the past is no easy task, but it’s important to have awareness of what you are holding onto from the past to let it go.
Resentment, guilt, shame, and regret are all low-frequency feelings we can hold onto that are associated with memories from the past. But for whatever reason, why do we do it? And most importantly, how can we let go of the past?
Why Do We Hold Onto The Past?
Why do we tend to hold onto such sabotaging feelings of guilt, shame, and regret? We like to clutch things, circumstances and conditions in light of the fact that, in some odd way, it’s satisfying. Could there be solace in holding onto these negative affairs? In any case, holding onto the past has no genuine advantage – it just holds you back from accomplishing your actual potential.
Sometimes, we utilize the past to justify our present actions with what is quite possibly a distorted memory or story we like to tell ourselves.
Do you remember that awful thing somebody did to you years prior? The thing that influences you not going to that family gathering or in the event that you will never date again! These recollections turn into a piece of your “story” and neutralize you, keeping you down and holding you back while simultaneously making you feel safe.
You will also accept your choices because you have a story that validates your choices.
There are, however, always opposite sides to each situation and story. For example, your ex hurt you, as they felt their necessities weren’t being met in your relationship, and they chose to leave you. Or, in the opposite scenario, you may have betrayed your loved one by cheating on them. In both scenarios, whether you are the “victim” or perpetrator, both sides will feel a negative impact of some kind.
Despite who started the separation or the purpose for the split, you have to proceed onward. Take a shot at letting go of your past and moving forward instead of being a prisoner of the past.
How Can The Past hold You back?
Some of the worst feelings a person can experience are regret, shame, embarrassment, and guilt. We all have them on some level.
These feelings can be experienced on a short-term basis. You might regret eating that doughnut when you are trying to lose weight.
Or these feelings can linger deep inside you for years.
You may regret treating someone badly you cared about in the past, but there is no way of going back. Therefore you are either consciously or subconsciously holding onto these feelings that can affect your mental and physical health and the way you think.
The Importance Of Positive Thinking
Scientifically, positive thinking is proven to affect not only your mental health but your physical health as well. E = mc2 is the famous equation by Albert Einstein. Einstein’s theory expresses that mass and energy are the same physical entity and can be changed into each other.
So, could our negative thoughts of guilt and regret have the power to create a negative impact on our body?
According to takingcharge…
“Negative attitudes and feelings of helplessness and hopelessness can create chronic stress, which upsets the body’s hormone balance, depletes the brain chemicals required for happiness, and damages the immune system. Chronic stress can actually decrease our lifespan“. – Karen Lawson, MD
We are energetic beings that all vibrate on different frequencies determined largely by how we think. A person filled with love and happiness will vibrate on a higher frequency than someone experiencing depression and low-frequency feelings of guilt and shame. Therefore it is vital you take control and responsibility for your thoughts so that you can not only attract positive experiences but optimal health as well.
In this article Dr Emotos does an experiment where he proves the power of positivity through the use of rice.
To learn more about frequencies and energy I recommend starting here.
Will You Live Inside Your Story Or Let It Go?
What is your story?
Your story is the thing that you instruct yourself as per your choices. For instance, you reveal to yourself that you can’t have an effective relationship due to how you grew up. Your parents fought in front of you all the time and in the end, separated. You, at that point, believe that this is the reason you can’t keep up a sentimental relationship. You use this experience to justify your inability to attract a long-lasting relationship.
One of my stories was that I was bullied a lot by girls growing up. Consequently, I had held onto a victim state of mind and a belief system that I wasn’t good enough. In return, this way of thinking prevented me from generating trustworthy friendships with women and a lack of self-confidence in my adult life.
I let this story direct my future friendships and self-confidence for many years simply because I couldn’t let go of the story I created around these past events.
However, I realized that the individuals, scenarios and feelings I was holding onto were in the past. They were only kept alive through my way of thinking. However, when I thought about unsettling past experiences, my mind didn’t know the difference between whether it was happening 20 years ago from when I was thinking about them. The emotional angst in the present moment was born from a story I held onto from the past.
I had to stop and acknowledge how my thinking was affecting my present-day life, as my sabotaging thoughts came with a great cost.
So ask yourself…
What is holding onto the past costing you?
- Is it costing you meaningful relationships?
- The ability to be happy and at peace?
- The ability to receive abundance?
Then ask yourself, what are you gaining from holding onto this story?
- Does this story comfort you and make you feel safe?
- Does this story prove your right and justify your behavior and current beliefs?
- Does this story give you a certain type of attention that you think you need?
These are the questions I had to answer while working with a friend and life coach, who taught me not to project my past experiences onto new ones.
Through my own journey with letting go of the past, I have found that if we’ve held onto these stories for a long time (especially since childhood), these stories we attach ourselves to can grow into our default way of thinking. Consequently, those sabotaging thoughts are now programmed in our minds and, therefore, can be instantly activated when triggered by a similar situation.
Until we gain self-awareness, this default way of thinking will be challenging to remove. And ultimately, in the event that we can’t escape the story we’ve developed for ourselves, we can’t proceed towards greater and more brilliant things that life has to offer.
Don’t let the terrible encounters, whatever they may be, have a chance to overpower your present-day choices, for if you do, these past encounters will direct your future.
But rather, utilize your encounters as an instrument or ammo to push you further.
How Can You Let Go of the Past?
After you have taken responsibility for your part in your story…
You have confronted the impact it’s had on you…
Acknowledged what holding onto the past has been costing you…
it is now time to…
Forgive, release and let go!
Forgiving yourself or someone else won’t excuse the wrong behavior involved. What it will do is simply allow you to be at peace so you can move on with your life.
In some scenarios forgiving yourself is harder than forgiving someone else. (especially when you can’t seek validation from that someone you need forgiveness from).
Letting go of the past may not be easy, as various past traumas and memories all come with their own weight that’s personal to you. But you can’t change it, so why keep reliving it? It’s like reading the same chapter over and over again, while the world around you is moving on. It’s easier looking back on past situations, saying, “If only” or “I would have done that better“. But that’s life, right? We live, learn, and things change along the way, including our friendships, relationships, jobs, and beliefs.
If we learn from our mistakes, our mistakes were not made in vain, as we are choosing to let them transform us into a better person who makes better decisions.
You may not be able to control the past, but you can control the present moment in which the true power lies.
Once we stop letting the past steal our future, unavoidably, new chapters will emerge, and the chapters left behind will only add to your own superior book of life that pushes you ahead rather than holding you back.
Summary:
- Acknowledge what past events are holding you back.
- Think about your belief systems and stories you have attached yourself to through this past event.
- Have an awareness of how this event is affecting your mental and physical health.
- Ask yourself; what this story or attachment is costing you.
- Take responsibility for your part of the story.
- Acknowledge the impact the situation had on you.
- Forgive, release, and then… let it go.
- Learn from past events and let them make you wiser and stronger.
What are some tips you use to let go of the past? Comment below.
Emmy is the founder and content writer at woopdedo. With a background in the performing arts, she then had a career working on cruise ships, until she decided to return to NZ where she spends most of her time storytelling and freelance writing. You can contact her on the social media links below or visit the work with us page.
